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| Wee boat, a Hartley Flareline 16, taken after approx 3 months ownership |
It was the stinking hot summer of 2010 and I'd just sold my old Toyota. The $900 I got for it was to last me the nine weeks until uni started up again. However after two days I was down to $500, and decided it was time to 'invest' in another project, so I began perusing the (now defunct) Trade and Exchange website.
The T & E had been an institution in New Zealand; at it's peak a twice-weekly newspaper-thick publication with all kinds of junk for sale in it. However, in the wake of eBay's success, the now hegemonic TradeMe website began, and the T & E was steadily marginalised, becoming a weekly paper and website, then just a website, and finally merged into sella.co.nz, TradeMe's only significant competitor, which isn't very significant.
By the time this stinking hot summer had rolled around, there were only two groups of people still using the T & E: those too poor to pay TradeMe's exorbitant seller's fees, and those so incurably elderly that they had yet hear of this newfangled interweb business.
These factors, in conjunction with the site's impossible interface, made the dying site the perfect place to look for this next 'investment'. And on that website, after an hour's searching I found an intriguing post entitled "marine ply."
"Hmmmm.." thought the boy, "I could go for a few sheets of marine ply!"
Clicking this title, I found a still more intriguing ad which went something like this:
MARINE PLY bot, Kauri, needs reglassing, hull sound needs motor and TLC. $375
Please contact : A very, VERY old person, somewhere in South Auckland - 555-7865
With my impeccable investment record I know a good deal when I see one, and what better investment is there than a (wooden!) boat!
I called immediately. It was engaged. Same thing a few mins later. I tried again in half an hour, then the half hour after that. Then every half hour till 9pm (old people need their rest), then again at 8am. GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! At 11am the next day I got through, which took me completely by surprise, but I somehow managed to regain my faculties and not yell " JESUS CHRIST WHAT WAS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU NEEDED TO BE ON YOUR DIAL-UP INTERNET CONNECTION FOR THE LAST 24HOURS GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and arranged to see the boat the next day. YAY!
I arrived giddy with excitement! The old guy emerged and explained that he was selling on behalf on the old guy next door, who (in addition to probably having similar dial-up habits) was almost completely deaf. This initiative was only adopted after six months of the deaf guy trying to sell it by himself, and I silently thanked the gods of kindness, patience and sanity for not letting me stumble upon that ad whilst the selling process was in its first phase. We walked at an frustratingly elderly pace to the other guy's house next door, where the deafer of the two introduced himself and attempted to engage me in jovial conversation. Luckily he was quite short so I was able to inspect the boat over his shoulders from a few metres away, and during a pause in his incessant ramblings I was able to say: "I WILL BUY THIS BOAT PLEASE THANKYOU YES."
I may have been a bit scathing here about the old seadogs, they were really quite sweet and their attempts to ready the boat for its great voyage were an image I will never forget. The vendor dissappeared inside and emerged with a tiny upholstery hammer, with which he began hitting the towhitch, explaining that he was "burring it so it won't come off for ya mate!" The other guy began throwing things from nearby in the boat including parts of the other guy's waterblaster and a home-brew stirring paddle. This continued for a couple of minutes and then I was able to leave, once they were completely sure that I'd been sufficiently briefed for the journey.
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| The "post-purchase inspection" |
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